On this bitterly cold day I'm taking things gently. I've been to see the butcher, had a wander in town, bought a few things in Waitrose and returned home for a late lunch. Need to summon up some motivation to do some cleaning. Lunch was stir fried beansprouts with celery, dried shrimps, soy, rice vinegar and sesame oil. Not very filling but very tasty.
In truth my mind is elsewhere today. It harks back a few years to things that once were and will never be again. My mum would have turned 87 today. I vividly recall her last birthday, she turned 80. Towards the end of her life she became increasingly anxious and depressed and was put on citalopram. She asked me if I thought it would be okay to have a glass of wine on her birthday. Knowing she would be fine I told her so. But she didn't believe me and asked a GP instead. For reasons I do not understand he told her she would have to come of the medication at least a week before. So sad to deny her that and feed her already devastating anxiety.
Time has marched on since then. We are all a little older and greyer. Dad is flourishing though, busy busy, sometimes I have to tell him to slow down. But on this day we all remember.
There was an added shade to my look back at what was and what will never be again. The girl I call Rachel in my books visited in the night. Still a young woman as she was back when I last saw her she came in a dream and was kind. I rarely dream of her but sometimes she comes into my thoughts. We were so young back in those days. I have no idea where she is now or what she is doing. I don't think I will ever know. Cedric tells me to bury the past. But as my post on Thursday notes on occasion my past comes knocking and simply floors me.
A couple of days on from that I feel better although contemplative in a funny way. The rest of the day will unfold. I will clean the bathroom. Perhaps dust as well. Sarah is coming over after work for slow cooked ox cheek braised in red wine. I will as ever enjoy her company and go to bed a day older and maybe a little wiser. Enjoy your weekend.
I Heard a Voice.
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