Has it Really Sprung?

Two days on from a dreadful wet, cold and miserable day the sun is out, it's warm and the world is looking a brighter place. Is this the day we can truly say spring has sprung? From what I hear though it could be short lived, rumours of more snow abound.

What do I make of this day? Well it was very hard to get out of bed. No motivation at all to consider either of my plans, the bus to St Albans or the train to Borough Market. Some days it simply can't be done. So as I'm starting my third month off am I any better? I'm certainly bored. I want to do things but find myself instead wandering aimlessly. It is most difficult to do when there is no motivation. Thus I wandered the streets again, spent some money, had some lunch and came home again. For what? I don't really know.

You find me now at home listening to Radio 3 and waiting for Choral Evensong to commence. The big news of the day is that the much loved physicist Stephen Hawking died today. I never met him but on many an occasion had to sidestep his wheelchair on the streets of Cambridge as his guides were usually so engrossed in their love and admiration for him they forgot to look out for the path ahead. He actually lived over the road from Selwyn when I was there.

Cambridge is but a life time away as my battles continue. My dream of one day going back remains and probably will remain just a dream. As I wandered today up near where I used to live I reflected on my now just over a decade in Hertfordshire. Back then I was like a rabbit caught in the headlights. And now? I just feel jaded. I desperately want to go back to normality and with luck will do soon but the fear is all around.

My much trumpeted weakness and failure that I espouse on here sometimes can take me over. The odd reminder comes that I was once good at my trade. I was reminded of that on Monday when my former student Krishna rang. She calls me her little Buddha, the wise man who guides her in troubled times. But who guides me in troubled times? My friends have been great but I need to find something concrete and long lasting to continue. Hopefully that will come from the Psychology team when I hear from them.

Pastures new await tomorrow. With luck at this time I will be strolling along the sea front lapping up all the goodness that that brings. I look forward to seeing dad and Miriam. Beka too on Saturday. And my cousin Cedric and his partner Barbara. That should all be good.

Next message from the seaside.

I Heard a Voice.