A few days have gone by since my last post. Boxing Day was so low and overwhelming I was in the blackest of places.
I'm home now in the warm with Radio 3 and trying to make sense of things. I'm safe and getting by an hour at a time.
People have been so kind reaching out to me but I cannot apply my own advice. I've made a lot mistakes and poor decisions in my life it's a wonder people take my advice. But they do.
Living up to that can be hard. Sometimes people expect too much of me. But I always try to give and to support people in need. Is that out of guilt and shame? Therapy a lot of that in it. But it helped.
This afternoon I will cook roast pork. Mood wise I remain low but the anxiety isn't as bad. Hoping rekindled love for cooking will help. I've not invited anyone round for months. Maybe that can be my CBT experiment. I don't have another session until the 10th. Let's hope I'm on a more even keel then.
I Heard a Voice.