It is Sunday lunchtime, the sun is shining and I'm listening to Mozart opera. After the week that just happened I'm not sure where to start. Or whether even to post.
As we approach the 12th anniversary of me launching this blog I'm not sure I should carry on. Readers are few and far between. I worry I'm too negative. And I worry quite where or what my mental health has become.
Since finding the salvation of Risperidone on 2001 it felt my battle was almost won. Two books later the war goes on. I didn't expect the pernicious scourge of anxiety to get quite so bad.
Wracked with self doubt and a life long belief that I'm not good enough. But good enough for what?
People sometimes call me inspirational. Others call me life saving. To me I've just seen many things. Yet for all I have achieved it is never enough.
On a week where the temperature record in UK was broken twice in quick succession I did not exactly cover myself in glory. But I didn't expect the tidal wave that engulfed me on Thursday.
That age old good or bad, brilliant or a failure thinking that blights so many who live in the mental health world dealt me another hammer blow.
I've been ruminating for several days. Now on this sunny afternoon my mind is no longer racing but I'm left with a terrible sense of what my future holds. And that plays havoc with the anxious mind.
Yet I will bounce back. As I said the sun is shining, it's payday tomorrow and my summer holiday is approaching. I'll settle for that after Thursday.
I Heard a Voice.
Mark, I really hope you will overcome your anxieties and will also continue to publish this blog. As your father, I find it very helpful in understanding the problems in your life. I also consider reading it an often entertaining highlight of the weekend.
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