Misplaced Optimism?

The midweek optimism that buoyed me on Wednesday had waned by late Friday. Now I'm more uncertain than before. Yes we have the usual horde of people wanting to see us. But that was to be expected. What I'm struggling with is too much change too quickly. At times my head was spinning and I was not at all sure what I was doing. In my haste I made a silly mistake on Friday. Thankfully my colleagues picked it and hopefully what might has happened may have been averted.

It's left me thinking over the weekend on things I usually banish into the corner. That there is a lot going on is expected. But twists and turns that I've not seen before are derailing me.

My session with my therapist on Wednesday was tough but helpful. In another way so too was meeting my supervisor on Thursday. How did I ever manage without that in place for all those years? No doubt I will bounce back and fight off adversity but a nasty suspicion still lurks in my mind. I may have been optimistic but my caution that I tried to ignore may have been right all along.

The weekend has been good though. Yesterday I met up with Kiwi Sarah for lunch and a trip to the Tate Modern. I'd never heard of Olafur Eliasson and modern art is not my thing but it was a special afternoon. The fog room was an astounding and unnerving experiential masterpiece. Add in some lovely walking along the south bank, seeing old haunts around Borough and just enjoying her long lost company is was a great day.

Today I'm tired but not low. I'm cooking slow roast shoulder of lamb, Mitridate, Re Di Ponto is my chosen opera and although cold I feel relatively comfortable. I was offered a ticket to the Bears and Raiders in London but too short notice. I will watch on TV instead. The solitude of the day suits me at this moment.

The week to come will unfold. There will be dramas, tears and sanctuary for some. I do some good sometimes it is just trying to blot out when I don't do any good that I struggle with. Time marches on and I go with it. Until next time.

I Heard a Voice.