Awaiting the Dawn.

Greetings on this beautiful day. I'm told the rain will come tomorrow At home I'm listening to Tosco, coming to talk to you all and about to set the beef rendang going.

So on this day where am I? It's been a weird and turbulent few days. Things are very unsettled but I can feel stirrings. My mood may be about to make a leap upwards. Can I transcend the chaos that will come with the dawn on Monday? Were my mood not going up I might fear the coming tidal wave and darkness that has happened many times. But not now. Not with this mood. The dawn will come and it will be light. Not darkness and foreboding.

The challenge will be to stay calm, not irritate and alienate people. And to manage not to go over the top as I did last October in my car to the sounds of The Dead Kennedys. It has been twelve years since I started here. Yes I've made many mistakes. But I have also helped many many young people and I hope taught some of them that it is not only possible to live with mental illness but to thrive.

Whilst I've felt stuck at a crossroads for several years now, the motionless traffic does not worry me today. What my fate will be in two, or five or ten years I do not know. I do know that I can do this and sometimes do it well.

Before the dawn there is food and music and books. Never run away from the joys of your life whatever they may be. For a life without purpose, time for you and time shared is no life at all. Hiding away breeds thinking, worrying and collapsing mentally. The darkness of that hole in January 2018 is no longer where I am now. I never believed I would get back to this place. But we always do. It takes courage, will and sacrifice but it can be done.

Next time I appear on here I may have crashed, I may be flying but I know that I am me with all the faults and virtues, all the knowledge and all the frailties. That is a given. On this day though be thankful for this all, good and bad. See you in the week.

I Heard a Voice.