Why am I so cursed with dark, anxious and at times horrific dreams? A day on from posting about finally achieving stability it has been swept away by such nightmares. It feels at times as if I'm I'm wrapped around with a heavy cloak of fear.
My most recent nightmare before today's was so bad it destroyed three days of my life. Not un-noticed a friend suggested I do EMDR work. I can access it for free. The older I get the more my trauma history is opening up. Some parts I have long acknowledged. Others have only been open for 18 months.
I've spent more than two decades opening Pandora's Box for others, catching the demons and helping people put them in a safe place. I failed with Charlotte and now she's out of my life.
Yet who catches my demons? And there are many to catch. At the funeral in December a friend said as each year passes he heals a little of his trauma. Remember each Christmas when you watch Carols From King's or listen to Nine Lessons and Carols it was not without a price.
Another King's reunion beckons in April. Last year was tough for me because the truth is close to coming. It was also the day Charlotte picked up my messages which a few weeks later led her to walk out of my life.
Yet on this sunny Sunday afternoon I have The Magic Flute, I have Elizabeth David and I have my kitchen. There are small mercies even in difficult, anxiety ridden times.
I Heard a Voice.
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