Blindsided by Pfizer.

 You find me unexpectedly at home today listening to Radio 3 and trying to stay warm and hydrated. Not really ill but had a bad reaction to the Pfizer booster jab that I had yesterday afternoon. 

In truth I'm just glad to have had the booster. As more uncertainty stalks the world in this pandemic it is better to be safe than sorry...even if it came at a cost.

Just a little over two weeks into the new job day by day a few more things slot  into place. It has been a baptism of fire that has been both humbling and exhilarating. That I have a lot learn is an understatement. All my doubts and fears have popped up each day. But I've been able to counter them in part at least.

Yesterday I felt pretty good. Got through some difficult meetings then learned when I got home I'm being paid a lot more than expected. 

In the present though all I can do is stay warm, take paracetamol and drink copious amounts of water.

Let's hope I feel better tomorrow. 

I Heard a Voice.

Exhausted Survival.

 Oh my goodness what a week! I started my new job on Monday. Much as I felt like running away I didn't. Not felt that overwhelmed in a long time. But I did it.

That sense of being out of my depth, of knowing nothing and being a fraud pervaded much of the week but ever so slowly some things began to make sense.

A lot of on line training lies ahead but it served to steady me and make me have some self belief. Scoring 97% on the Mental Health Act training certainly helped.

Working from home on Friday also helped. Hope to some more of that as time goes by.

Come 5 pm on Friday I was shattered. Slept so long and late. Distinct feeling of exhaustion combined with a complete lack of motivation made yesterday a challenge. 

Now on a chilly Sunday afternoon in November I'm listening to Mozart opera and trying not to think of tomorrow. 

It is early days and they will be patient with me. Can I be patient with myself is hard question. 

I Heard a Voice.

Out With the Old, in With the New.

 Hello there on Remembrance Sunday! It is grey but mild here today. 

Thought I'd pop something on here to mark the end of old and beginning of the new. Tomorrow I start my adventure. I'm pretty nervous not helped by only finding out early hours of Saturday morning where to go and when. And it wasn't where I expected. 

I know I can make this work as long as I can keep my anxiety under control. Not doing that well today. 

But Sunday is Sunday so there will be roast belly pork, Rioja and good company; Sarah is coming round. 

So wish me luck. 

I Heard a Voice  

The Time Has Come.

 In about 90 minutes the gathering will commence, we will talk, we will drink, and we will say goodbye. That 14 years I have spent at the university has been a complete rollercoaster. Highs, lows, chaos, triumphs and ultimately farewell.

I once likened my job to being set for the the starting gun to go off in a 100 metre sprint. You hear set, prepare and then when needed go. High octane stuff and very exhausting.

So now I have done my time. At 5 pm I will drive home from here for the last time. What a run it has been! And never bored.

Whether I leave a legacy is for others to decide. But I made my mark and all these years later I hope I have done some good.

Some students stay in touch, some get in touch, and some forget. They say I saved their lives. I didn't, all I did was talk to people.

The experience has been pretty brutal at times but I have always tried to keep students at the centre of it all. In my interview I stated my firmly held belief that education is the key to mental health recovery. I think that is what swung it for me. Little, quiet, unknown me.

With that I leave you. I may be away some time as I will no longer have a laptop after today and my desktop is on its last legs. 

So wish me well as I head towards the sunset. I will rise again at the dawn of the following Monday when the next chapter of my life begins.

I Heard a Voice.

Monday is Coming.

You find me on a cold November afternoon tidying up loose ends. In half an hour the working week will be over. I have a weekend to look forward to. Lots of cooking, relaxing, wine and friends are on the agenda. And then comes the big day.

On Monday a gathering will take place on the College Lane campus of the University of Hertfordshire. It may be a small gathering or it may be large. Whatever happens it will be memorable and probably emotional. I will be leaving the place I've worked in after 14 years.

The last time I changed jobs only two people turned up. Most suspect Monday will attract an extensive audience. Having spent the last couple of weeks letting students know I am leaving the news went out more widely on Wednesday.

To say I've been overwhelmed with kindness and praise is something of an understatement. It has been stunning. So many are wishing me well. I don't handle praise well but the fact people are coming in specifically to say goodbye must mean I have done something right over the years.

On Wednesday a student came in specifically to meet me for the first time. We have conversed on the phone for two years. Armed with a box of chocolates and a lovely card we talked. When I said I learned many years ago that I couldn't save the world she interrupted me and simply said "you saved my world". So touching.

The future looks both bright and frightening but I will try to embrace it with the same zeal I have always had for mental health.

No doubt I will be expected to speak at the gathering. I'm good at that but fear I may forget my lines. Then it will be over.

I Heard a Voice.