Walking Away.

On a sunny but cold and windy Bank Holiday Monday I'm not really in a very good place. Not much has gone right this weekend. I slept poorly until today, I had to abandon my plan to go to London because the train was packed and no one could get on. A friend cancelled yesterday. And all my friends were so drunk and absorbed in their own stuff that they ignored me. 

In many ways I like living on my own. But today I feel very alone and isolated. Funny how everyone reaches out to me when they are struggling but hardly anyone picks up when I'm struggling. 

Sometimes I think I should walk away from people who don't reciprocate. But I've never been able to say no.

Please people who are important pick up once in a while rather than just reaching out because you want something. 

That said I'm listening to Mozart's Great Mass, I have a glass of wine and I hope to cook a lovely dinner in a bit.

Just got to get through minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day.

Let's hope tomorrow's plans don't fall through as well. 

I Heard a Voice. 

A Weekend Interrupted.

The sun is shining on this Sunday morning. The air is mild and Mozart opera aside there is silence. 

I've had a long weekend with a friend visiting. Sadly it was interrupted by her being unwell. What appeared to be a hangover has now morphed in what seems like a sickness bug. She stayed in bed for 15 hours and looked pale and tired when she emerged 20 minutes ago. 

She's now headed home. Shame as we were both looking forward to sharing roast pheasant for Sunday lunch. 

Back to solitude I'll left wondering why I haven't been sleeping well. The bad dreams that plagued my life before I gave up smoking 9 years ago today. 

Life marches on though. Suspect I will need to stay away from the office having been exposed to a sickness bug. It is mainly going better but still have moments of extreme anxiety. 

For all the challenges of the last few months I have not had to increase my medication. Just try to ride the wave and let it pass. 

Enjoy your Sunday everyone. 

I Heard a Voice. 

I Was Glad!

I was glad! Glad when they said unto me. The opening of Parry's glorious Coronation Anthem exploded round the vault of Westminster Abbey as King Charles III entered the building. And I got to hear the Vivat section reserved only for the Coronation. Actually I have sung it and sung in the Abbey. 

What fabulous music punctuating an extremely long service. Zadok the Priest is glorious but tinged with memories of psychosis in another grand cathedral in 1996. Yes mental illness at its worst.

The event has divided people in these troubled time but it is and was part our history. 

Pouring rain did not drive away the crowds just as it didn't in 1953 when Queen Elizabeth II was crowned. My mum was in that crowd. 

Now it's over I'm struggling to know what to do with myself. I did do some food shopping but little else today.

As the rain continues to hammer down I think I will just stay home for the time being. 

I Heard a Voice.