Ever get those days when it feels the world isn't listening, isn't thinking and isn't caring? I've lived alone for the best part of 20 years. Mainly it's good once one gets used to one's own company. I don't have to worry about other, I can come and go as I please, eat what like and generally not worrying. But today my world feels a lonely place.
I've been off all week but few have been in touch, few have answered my calls or post and I'm left wondering who is out there?
I have many friends but they are busy. Wrapped up in their ongoing lives. People don't contact me unless I precipitate it. It takes 48 hours of silence before people notice I'm struggling. I wonder if anyone will reach out today.
Low mood and the associated apathy are horrible. Okay I have made a career out of it but on this lonely and grey day I don't care about career, platitudes and smiling. I just want my mood to lift.
I will of course emerge sooner or later but living in the here and now of today feels lonely and bleak.
Not sure what or where I'm going with this. Just a shout out to a silent world I suppose.
I Heard a Voice.
I hate being an only child. I'll never outgrow that. And the fact that Mum has had dementia (and our nightly phone calls are an ordeal) for five years doesn't help matters. With each passing day she breaks my heart more and more. TBH, I always wanted to have young people around me. Since I'm disabled, neurodivergent, not the marrying kind, and don't have the patience for being a mother, I desperately wish I had siblings to fill the void. And I wish American society was not so driven. Then my BFF's would have more time to spend with me since I don't have siblings. I regret not giving my parents a pro-con list regarding how my life would be if they had adopted a child or two to give me the siblings I always wanted!
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