Bitter, freezing winds have swept over the country in the last few days. Winter is hanging on.
Feels a little bit like my life at the moment. Having been battered by ill winds for the best part of q year I'm wondering when things will brighten up. Where will the next knife come from?
I feel very isolated. Isolated even in a crowd. There was a crowd this afternoon as I sat in a freezing cold garden waiting for someone to turn up for a surprise birthday party. My days of parties feel long ago. In my loneliness this afternoon I remembered all the parties I've been to and realise they all made me anxious.
That awful thing that bedevils me so much. Friends try to help, to support and to praise but it all feels so empty.
I do still have my kitchen though. Tonight there will be Dover sole. A chilled bottle of Picpoul de Pinet, some new potatoes and some green beans I think.
What will tomorrow bring? Hopefully the latest knife wound will start to heal. I need that.
I Heard a Voice.
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