Tired and Flat.

On a grey and wet October Sunday I'm tired, lethargic and flat in mood. Not what I expected of a weekend visit from my old friend Marie. 

In truth neither of us has been up to much. She is recovering from a heavy cold last weekend which she said hit her as hard as covid. Me feeling the effects of working too long without a break and the stresses of buying my flat.

Actually we're really near to completion. The postal strike has held up the paperwork but should be done this week. 

The other factor is Kelly's funeral on Tuesday. We're all still feeling battered and bruised by what happened and the atmosphere is subdued and sombre. Together we will get through it through. 

For now though I am listening to Don Giovanni and thinking nothing. We have a table booked at The Waggoners for 1.30 pm. Lovely roast beef. 

So on my tired and drained emotion I bid you all goodbye for today. See you soon. 

I Heard a Voice. 

I Never Say No.

Greetings! A couple of weeks have elapsed since I was last on here. It is a beautiful sunny autumn day here. I'm listening to Beethoven's violin sonatas and cooking slow roast shoulder of lamb.

During those last few weeks I have done a lot of reflecting. Of triumph. Of disaster. Of loss. Of being lonely. Of comforting others. And of never saying no.

My business is beset with an oblique thing called boundaries. I did not change side when I started working in mental health as some claim. But I was shocked at how my working world strove to shut me down from my real world. Us and them. Them and us.

In truth the success of my career has been that I went beyond those boundaries. My credibility is my madness. 

Years later I am plagued by giving too much. I never say no to anyone struggling with their mental health. 

Sometimes I need to switch off. This week I've been supporting five people beyond my work. As we all struggle with Kelly's death, with the chaos in the world I am in great demand. 

I live in that world but sometimes like today I just want to be alone with my music, with my cooking and my wine.

Hang in there everyone, I'll be back soon.

Acorns and Conkers.

Autumn is beautiful up here. A time of acorns, conkers and russet hues as the leaves turn and shed.

The sun is shining here and it is mild. Today I went to the butcher and opticians. No new glasses or lenses despite a deterioration of my right eye.

Trying to describe this week. Emotionally challenging, long and exhausting but mainly been anxiety free. A week on from losing our beloved friend Kelly we are turning to each other. 

We all have dark forlorn thoughts. To mourn is human. I've seen too many deaths. This one has hit harder than any since my friend Tom lost his 6 old son.

If there is a god of any description or belief or creed, he, she or they tore us apart so cruelly. 

Many have taken comfort from the words I posted on social media. I have my words and my words have power. 

As the afternoon drifts on I must look after myself. I'm cooking moussaka which is a pain to put together and wash up but tastes great.

Take care in this a times cruel world. 

I Heard a Voice.