It is never good to wake up early and be battered by fear and self doubt. That is what happened to me at 8 am today. Not pleasant at all.
Thinking back though to Friday, a late unscheduled meeting over a computer screen I struggled to read was never going to end well. Thus my awful start to the day.
Trying to rescue something and stabilise things I thought back to last night. I was not at work but I worked.
Confronted by one close friend on a video call with a ligature round her neck and a dying battery then another friend reeling from the news that his sister only has two months left to left it was hard not to go into work mode.
I think I did well. So why can't I rid myself of this terrible fear that haunts me like a spectre?
In therapy on Wednesday I made a sudden connection that it had made a difference. That other spectre of guilt is now partially under control. And that is a good thing.
Feeling a little more stable now. The belly pork is going in the oven at 4 pm and I am thankful for all that is good in my life.
I Heard a Voice.
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