A couple of days on from my last post there is finally some movement in my mental health. A four day blitz of extra medication seems to have started the ball rolling. I certainly don't feel there yet but I am improving. Last night I noticed I smiled. Not just with the face but the eyes too. Those eyes that hid from the world for so long shine and dart again. For that I'm grateful.
My plan is to go back to work tomorrow. How I will fare I don't know. But any longer and it would have meant trying to get a GP appointment-almost an impossibility at the moment-and politely ask for a sick note.
The darkness of the last week has been truly intense. I always say to my students and friends we never really remember the astonishing intensity of madness when we get better. I do not wish to share all that went on. Suffice it to say I tried to run from the world but the world found me. I tried to run from me but me followed.
It is hard to believe that June is marching on. July next week. And what have I achieved? Last week it seemed like very little. But my posts on mental health do seem to inspire my friends to look at their lives and see where they are. My friend Nikki calls me a mind reader. Sarah says I can see into her soul. I just view myself as deeply flawed middle aged man who has failed at a lot but survived.
One thing that didn't disappear in my dark times was my cooking. Extremely hard though it was I cooked some nice food. Just back from shopping there is tuna on the menu tomorrow. And trout after that. Tonight will be a roast lamb chop seasoned with rosemary, thyme and garlic, roast potatoes and vegetables.
Take care out there and celebrate being half way through the week.
I Heard a Voice.
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