Inglorious Isolation and Devastating Loneliness.

Is there anything so bleak as being locked in with no visitors, nowhere to walk and only one's own thoughts? There probably is, I've never been in a war zone, lost a child or been the victim of a serious crime. Yet seven days into this enforced incarceration I'm not doing great. My therapist said this afternoon it must be like solitary confinement. And that is exactly right. So lonely.

My thoughts have drifted to people in prison, to those forced for months to stay indoors for health reasons and the many of my own people who have been locked up in psychiatric hospitals. And I too have been there as you will recall. The devastating loneliness, the despair and tragedy of my loss at leaving Cambridge in 1991 is what led me to that dark place. And now it feels like that again.

I cannot fault the many who have come to me in the last week. From the zoom call with my friend Harsarup on Saturday to the endless calls. The messages of support on social media to Francois and Bronwen bringing me some Rioja. My neighbour Richard buying coffee to my other neighbour Vanessa arriving with kitchen towel and cheese. Cheese so wonderous to behold. And my kind friend Kevin sending me a lovely card and present...thanks Kevin, I will buy the finest bottle of wine I can find!

Somehow some way I have made it to just over 24 hours to go before the prison gate is flung open and I can breathe the air, feel the cold and get wrapped in the rain. Any real sensation after this will be welcome. Assuming I can get out of bed in the morning, I almost didn't today, I will try to work. People from there have also been terribly kind. It reminds me that when the bullets are flying and everyone is panicking that we would all feel much better if we are kind to each other.

Adversity can bring out the best in people. I'm not sure you have seen my best but I will get there. For now though it is Puccini, a glass of Picpoul de Pinet and a book. It all helps.

When I next speak to you I will be free. And I will value that freedom far more than I ever have before.

I Heard a Voice.