A Passage in Time.

On this day in 2007 I moved away from all I knew and undertook this crazy venture here in Hertfordshire. Who could have known I would be in this position all these years later? Never all together happy I feel more uncertain at this stage than at any time during those years. Work however can wait. I'm on holiday.

The cold and rain has given way to mild autumn of sunshine and beautiful hues of leaves. Not sure what to do with myself this morning after waking early again I watched the first half of the Richmond Tigers then ventured forth for a fry up. All a bit of a come down from yesterday.

Then I ventured to town to go to Borough Market and meet my friend Krishna. She tells me we have known each other ten years now and we have both had our share of low times. She calls me her Buddha as I have always given her good advice. By her own admission she probably wouldn't have been alive today without my interventions. For all my doubt I know that for every Krishna there are a few more. People say kind things about me. I'm just not very good at being kind to myself.

I was very restrained at market only buying spices and some balsamic vinegar for Sarah. The birthday lunch on Sunday with Sarah, Jess, Miriam and Nigel was fabulous. Some of the finest roast beef I've had. How long until I go there again?

Ahead of me lies uncertainty. Yes I will enjoy my last few days of freedom. What the start of term brings I do not know. That I'm anxious is a given; it was ever thus. A colleague at another university who I met early on all those years ago later described me as like "a rabbit caught in the headlights". It was pretty terrifying back then. And all done alone.

Now I have immediate colleagues and though we all face uncertainty as Robin put it "we will face it together". A big contrast to the loneliness of 2007 to 2015.

Back here at the flat I'm listening to Haydn and wondering what to do. Maybe some reading. A roast chicken awaits later. For the the clock keeps ticking in a passage of time.

I Heard a Voice.