Beating the "Experts".

When I lasted posted on here, a shameful 2 weeks ago, the UK was gripped by snow and ice. That has all gone. But we're expecting it back next week so whether I make it to Kent for Christmas is in the lap of the gods.

So what have I been up to? Too much if I'm honest. Life is just as hectic but will slow down after tomorrow. I'm off to Cambridge tomorrow, my spiritual home. Business first then hoping to see my friend Jayne and her new baby then meet up with my sister for dinner. Friday brings a tidying up day then our department Christmas dinner. After that it's party time. For the first time since I started working part time I have 3 weeks off out of choice. The only other times I've been ill.

Talking of being ill, sometimes I almost imagine that I imagined my mental illness. I'm just so well now that sometimes I don't believe my past myself. But of course each night I take my risperidone and realise I need it.

Something someone said to me few weeks ago struck a cord-"even the Maudsley gave up on me". For those who don't know of the Maudesley it has a reputation of being the elite mental health hospital in the UK if not beyond. I never went to the Maudesley but I did spent 4 months in an equally renowned hospital in London. It was in the spring and summer of 1994; I was 24 years old.

Whilst not quite as grim as many other facilities that passed for "treatment" in those days, it was nevertheless a relentless grind. They took those who were deemed by others to be untreatable. So we were the elite of nutters. I refused to comply and was therefore cast off into the wilderness and deemed beyond help.

But I did survive and now thrive. I defeated the greatest mind psychiatry had to offer and I took some pride in that. But it was a grim pride and one born out of desperation. Salvation took another 7 years to find.

Sadly not everyone is that lucky. What happens to the untreatable? In reality few people care and they are just a burden. Most end up with a label of personality disorder as I did. Whilst I wish professionals persisted more, I was wish that those in receipt of services did too. The enemy are not always the enemy; some of them are okay.

But earning trust is hard especially when you have been shat on a much as I have. If you can't find hope there is little chance. Perhaps it is down to me and my colleagues to try to find hope for those we work with.

And so to the rest of the week. My flat is full of junk, I need a serious tidying session. On the plus side I have bought all my Christmas presents, and for the first time ever I've even wrapped some of them before Christmas Eve. I'm living off leftovers, don't really want to be buying loads of food before I go away. But on a day of rare virtue I have had 7 portions of fruit and veg today-my Dr will be delighted!

Hoping to post again before Christmas. Take care.

I Heard a Voice.

PS I've saved a ham to poach in perry on Saturday; have to have some indulgence, it's nearly the holidays!