A grey but mild September day I've yet to venture beyond my front door. Haydn plays, my book is page turning and a single rib of beef is coming up to room temperature in the kitchen.
If you are reading apologies for the sparse and somewhat cryptic messages I posted. I have been enveloped in darkness since late July. A darkness that was brutally evil. I have re-evaluated my concept and understanding of evil. Much more common than I once believed.
No the devil did not speak. Well at least not directly to me. She hasn't done that since June and her messages remain unopened. No lurking out there in the fires of hell, the fog of contempt and the sewers of human depravity a darkness known longer but not detected sprang to life. And it was evil.
That I'm human and make a lot of mistakes is well known. God I beat myself up enough. But to wantonly prey on the vulnerability years later defies words.
On Thursday a single text delivered me from evil. Left is relief, anger and sadness. My vulnerability has now switched from the depths of hell to the dangerous, glorious heights and dazzling heaven that is mania. I'm fighting hard to contain that, Risperidone at the ready.
But I'm free. And on this Sunday I look forward to roast beef, to Chianti, to reading, and to opera.
I Heard a Voice
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