I have long considered blocking people online a rather puerile action. Puer meaning boy in Latin, by extension childish. In this age of digital media, incomprehensible passwords, digital footprints and paranoid suspicions I have never felt threatened enough to take such sanctions.
A week ago I felt I needed to do such a thing. I'm ever cautious on here because of the paranoia of others. Others who by their own admission have stalked me, checked out my social media and even circled my flat to see what can be seen through in windows. I let them in and they betrayed me.
That word betrayal is a powerful, risky and argue self absorbed word. I have struggled with it for more than two weeks. To commit makes us vulnerable. To be betrayed makes us dangerously vulnerable.
My world is one of despair, instability and damage. Mental health can be brutal. Many claim that epitaph but few have see what I've seen.
Friendships and relationships in that world are unstable and dangerous. Yet again I've been burned.
There are many many flaws in my character and many mistakes in my conduct and decision making. I'm only too aware. But I always try to be kind, be loving and be supportive. This time I failed and I'm paying the price.
Tonight I watch the Super Bowl. Tomorrow I go back to reality.
I Heard a Voice.
No comments:
Post a Comment