One of the less talked about aspects of living with a mood disorder that encompasses depression is the impact on motivation. Low mood is talked of. Changes in appetite. Accompanying anxiety. Today my mood is flat and I have zero motivation.
I woke up very late after ten hours of sleep. The terrible anxiety of recent days has lifted a little. The two day headache gone. Getting out of bed took supreme effort. Coffee a mountain to climb. Cooking lunch, beyond me. So today I'm stuck.
The instability in my life goes on. At least home is stable. But that in itself is not enough. Some remain distant from me. Important people. Work is tough and even two days away has not made it easier.
Next week is half term. Work from home and get some study done. I have a meeting with UEA on Wednesday. As things stand I'm not going to pass. After all the hours and all the effort it feels disconcerting that the prize is beyond my reach.
But today I just have to get through today. That will take supreme effort. Yes it's that tough.
I Heard a Voice.
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