Pickled Fig and Caramelised Goat's Cheese.

The sun show on us as we strolled along the beach this morning. I've escaped for my annual summer holiday to Kent. Dad and I took refreshments at The Waterfront. An E Type Jaguar was parked outside. I know little of cars but I knew that was special. 

Dad is now playing bowls and I have been a man of leisure. Stunning lunch of caramelised goat's cheese with pickled figs and prosciutto with some local English fizz at The Truffle Pig then shopping for the planned roast beef tonight. 

Two years ago today my life changed. A 25 minute interview, a 10 minute break then the call that allowed me to finally escape the university. 

Who could have known the tormented and tumultuous journey that ensued but I don't regret any of it.

Today I'm still standing, still thinking, still making a difference and still just being me.

My journey back from the seaside is sadly tomorrow but I don't have to work until 5th September. 

Enjoy your summer!

I Heard a Voice. 

A Sigh of Relief.

Haydn plays as this Sunday morning slips into Sunday afternoon. You find me home alone. The flat feels tranquil after the high tension of last week. 

Last time I was on here my life was lonely and frightening. Sudden urgent health referrals will unsettle anyone. And I was unsettled. 

On Friday I went into hospital for a procedure that we hoped would bring clarity. The NHS staff were amazing. By 12.50 pm I was home relieved and exhausted. Whilst we still don't know what is wrong with me we do know what it isn't. There is no sign of the feared tumour. 

Uncomfortable though the rest of Friday was, they warned me about abdominal pain, the relief was huge. Mentally the dark clouds that had enveloped me lifted.

So the weekend commenced. My friend Emma and her family have been visiting. Friday we dined on Malaysian food. Yesterday we went to St Albans, lovely Greek lunch, a wander in the market, going around the Abbey and then a couple of beers. 

They are picking me up from home to lunch at The Waggoners before they return to Kent. Roast beef it is.

I only have a week of work until my summer holiday. Well needed. 

I Heard a Voice. 

Alone and Bewildered.

The rains have been coming down most the day. It's cold and miserable. What happened to August?

A couple of weeks short of my 54th birthday my life is once again at a crossroads. I do not know which way to turn. The road is shrouded in fog. The destination unknown. 

My life has stabilised somewhat in recent months. Now turbulence is once again upon me.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up with what felt like a constricted throat. I was not in pain. More that I had something stuck in my throat. 

Last Wednesday the symptoms increased and I stayed home. For two days I tried in vain to get a GP appointment. 

Yesterday I saw a GP. Lovely young woman who had just started her rotation at my surgery the day before. 

Within hours and urgent referral to ENT had been made, bloods and chest x ray organised. 

My mind was on fire yesterday. None of my friends were around as they are off camping. I was left alone with my thoughts. 

I feel lonely and bewildered. My mind is not torrential as it was. But I'm hanging in there.

The coming couple of weeks may see the mist parting. I may be fine. I may not be fine. What I do know is that 33 years of mental illness has shown me resilience, strength and a remarkable ability to survive. 

Whatever happens I will take it a day at a time and I will fight.

I Heard a Voice.