Greetings on this beautiful spring day! The sun has been shining, the air was warm and the seagulls as loud as they ever were.
After a near four month break I have returned to the seaside to visit my dad. The journey wasn't brilliant but here in reasonable time. Glad I didn't drive seeing the state of the lorry park on the M20 as I passed on the train.
Although not many people are reading at the moment some may be wondering how I am. My last two posts reflect how battered and bruised I was for a while. Things are a little better now although for the life of me I cannot fathom just what happened in that time.
The age old doubt, fear and anxiety remain lurking below the surface on what otherwise looks like normal life.
Mentally I'm neither depressed nor manic, I just am. Someone once said "no man is an island". However much I run from the world when life is not good I'm still reliant on others. Especially for emotional succour. And when people walk away with little or no explanation it is hard.
I heard something interesting yesterday from a woman I have met a couple of times who openly espouses her diagnosis of BPD decrying why the label has been changed to emotionally unstable personality disorder ask the question "what emotion is stable?" I've not thought of it like that and she is right.
The myths and lies told about me in 1990s have now been debunked. It only took 30 years. But I am just as vulnerable to the terrible emotion of loss as anyone else is. Who wouldn't struggle as I did in the last few weeks?
Yet I will enjoy the sea, the sun, the people and the cooking over this most important of holidays. To have a longer break is definitely needed.
I Heard a Voice.
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