To Us.

So much of my life was defined by mental illness. Mad became my identity. I didn't do anything except be mad. Well mad and poor.

On this mixed autumn day of grey skies and wet outlook followed by beautiful sunshine I'm reflecting on that. And I'm not the only one. Today we mark World Mental Health Day. It is a day for us.

The day my life descended into madness started as a good day. Yes I was hungover, yes I felt guilty and yes I was struggling with myopia but the sun was shining and my life felt awesome. The descent was not so much that as a fall from a great height. I didn't really hit the floor until 14 months later when my total breakdown led to life support, pain, anger and incarceration. Then my madness was all I knew.

In the years that followed I could find no saving grace in mental illness. The exception was the extraordinary people I met, loved and lost during that time. And I lost a lot of friends. To death and drifting apart.

When I turned my life around inch by inch my plan was to leave mental illness behind and become a teacher. Whether it was my inability to teach, my high anxiety or plain bigotry that world never happened. Today would be different, the Disability Discrimination Act held no weight in schools back then. Today we have the Equality Act and we are better protected.

Given what I faced there was no other option but to work in mental health. In my arrogance and anger I wanted to be a consultant but a friend who knew the business said "Mark you have to start at the bottom". And that's what I did.

Today in 2021 my journey is about the change direction again. A new chapter begins in five weeks time. But it will still be mental health. And I will be influencing things.

Do I have a legacy for the last 14 years of my life? Many would say so. How long I will be remembered is unknown and probably doesn't matter. I made a mark and helped some people.

My message today is look out for you, look out for others and be kind to yourself. I have the incomparable Ros Sandhu to thank for that phrase. On our day please remember us. You never know when you might become part of us rather than part of them.

Take care out there.

I Heard a Voice.