New Growth and a Sedate Week.

The sky had clouded over when I went out for my walk this afternoon. The sun was glorious this morning but not too disappointed. So good to see all this new growth in spring. I kind of like all four seasons in different ways. Our clocks go forward tonight. I usually find losing an hour's sleep and having to adjust a bit of a struggle but I'm sure I will be fine by mid week.

When last I spoke to you all I was on leave. It was dad's birthday. He did have a good time and we had a nice video call in the evening. As ever the week went too quickly but I am feeling refreshed. The week back at work was not always easy, it was busy and there was a fraught meeting yesterday. But I thrived. Once again my adage that speaking to people is far more effective than writing to them was proved right.

Now on a Saturday afternoon I'm listening to Handel, the washing has just finished and the world is my oyster. Well in a socially distanced way I suppose. I have been to the Farm Shop at Smallford today. Visited Gareth's butcher yesterday so a culinary adventure will once again feature highly in my life. I'm thinking of doing a chorizo and chickpea stew tonight. A staple of mine it is so simple but so delicious. Tomorrow there will be roast topside of beef, freshly grated horseradish and hopefully Yorkshire pudding.

Sadly for the second year in a row I'm having to forgo my friends coming for Easter Sunday lunch next week. But I will still indulge. With the Thursday before and Tuesday after Easter booked off it will be a six day weekend. And roast duck will adorn my metaphorical table as all the Christians in the world celebrate the holiest day in their calendar.

Dad of course wants to go to all the Easter services. A laudable mission but I hope he doesn't overdo it as he sometimes does.

Whatever you are doing this weekend enjoy yourselves. I certainly intend to. See you all soon.

I Heard a Voice. 

Happy Birthday Dad!

I'm back after a bit of a break. Had some IT issues to deal with but service is restored now although my Facebook remains sluggish and un-co-operative. Hopefully that will right itself in time. It does feel good to be back. The sun is shining finally on an indifferent week. I'm on holiday but the rain filled and bleak days have not been conducive to outside life. And with little to do I have been a bit stuck. My focus on sleeping has not worked well, back in those awful dream states. At least though I don't have to set an alarm.

When I last wrote on here my mood was far too elevated. It was wonderful but didn't lead to good outcomes. The crash hasn't come and I'm in that dull middle zone of nothing now. That is a safer place to be for the most part. Will it stay there? God I want it to go up a little but not too much. The joys of a mood disorder. I'm seeing my consultant in two weeks so we will see what he has to say.

I learned last week that sadly my therapy is coming to an end. He is retiring. I had expected that at some point but the news still jolted me somewhat. He has helped me a lot and straightened a few things out in my mind. The next question is how do I manage the transition to being without. Given I went 20 years without therapy and mainly thrived I'm sure I will be fine.

Being at home I have decided to indulge in double opera day. So The Barber of Seville now and possibly some Mozart tonight. In truth there is little else to do. But I can get ahead on my reading and just enjoy not being up against it at work.

Finally today a very happy birthday to my dad! Hope you have a fabulous day dad and with luck speak later.

Take care out there. It seems to me as if my world has become a little lighter after the enduring darkness that has been the last year. Less than a month and my wild crazy hair will have been tamed. I will be able to sit in the pub garden with my friends. Then not long later I will finally be able to have visitors. 

I Heard a Voice.

Soaring Folly.

Hello on this beautiful and sunny spring day. Spring has definitely arrived although there was still a chill when I went out for the paper this morning. So what to say on this glorious day? So much has happened in the last 2 weeks.

My mood has been soaring at times. And as so often happens I had a lot of fun but didn't make the best decisions. If and when the crash comes it could be bad. But crash hasn't happened. Today I'm calmer and more measured. The curious thing is I am still struggling for motivation to get up and do anything and the exact opposite of manic, chronic anxiety, has come too. Strange bedfellows.

I woke quite anxious today, dreams of mum tend to bring that out in me. As we approach the 9th anniversary of her death at the end of this month she no longer haunts my dreams as she did for so long. Well at least not as frequently as she once did. But today she came back and as in life I was powerless to help her.

Yet it passed and I'm feeling stable now. I did the washing, some cleaning and the recycling despite the sheer effort it took. I have clean sheets. I went for a walk. I've had no wine so far today. And rare roast rib of beef is on tonight's menu. Looking forward to that.

Yesterday I had my first vaccination. All went smoothly, I didn't feel a thing. And thus far no ill effects. Sarah was not so lucky. She is feeling rotten today so I wish her well.

After what seems an eternity I have booked a week off to have a rest. Okay so there is nothing to do and nowhere to go. But I need a break. Dad turns 84 that week so hope to do a video chat with him. He is fine as are Miriam and Nigel. In these troubled times that is the best we can hope for. After yesterday though I feel a little safer although I don't want to return to campus until the vaccine has had a couple of weeks to build some immunity up in me.

With that I will leave you and return to Cosi fan Tutti and just relax before cooking. Have a good week everyone.

I Heard a Voice.