According to what the TV tells me Brazil is playing in a World Cup Semi Final as I write. But I'm not watching. Instead I am seeking sanctuary in Puccini and listening to Tosca. I've been buffeted by some emotional and professional waves this week which hasn't been nice.
Realising after an outburst of internal fury I needed to say something. It also made me realise I'm still quite vulnerable. Better yes, sorted no. Life can remain a battle that needs to be fought rather than as I'm wont to do to fight myself. After two and half days of shit come the end of play today I was in a better place.
Two things happened really. I spoke to the person who pissed me off which I don't normally do. And secondly I had the most kind and supporting e mail from one of my graduating students. Writing in carefully chosen words what struck me was when he said (sic) "thanks to you I'm walking out of here with a degree rather than not walking out at all". Moved and stunned I wanted to shun away from such powerful words but realised I could and should use them in my current battle. I do do some good which I had lost sight of in recent months.
During the week I reflected on the last decade. Saw e mails from the early days. Glanced at Charon's Ferry. And looked back on posts from earlier this year. What a buffeting I have had in that time. I must convince myself and accept that I'm not just being self indulgent and lazy but that my history of mental ill health is real and recognised.
On many an occasion like this difficult week I would have been ordering ribs, going to restaurants and eating crap. But I didn't. I cooked all week. And pretty successfully. From roasted belly pork strips to Chiang Mai pork curry-that was fiery. And twice cooked Szechuan pork to Thai stir fried chicken green curry. A fine Bangbang chicken yesterday. And tonight chorizo with sherry and a salad made from fennel, orange, pinenuts, parsley and pomegranate seeds. So I'm sticking with what brings me happiness. To the kitchen must be a well-being mantra.
Having opened with a mention of football I go back to it. What a night on Tuesday as The Hedgehog erupted in pandemonium when England scored the final penalty. If it was like that then God knows what tomorrow afternoon will be like. I hope to go over to watch and see what happens.
Enjoy the makings of hot and sunny weekend. Rarely do such weeks last this long.
I Heard a Voice.
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