By about 2 pm today I felt pretty dejected, demoralised and had a heart sinking feeling. Suddenly called to a meeting I knew nothing about I listened to 90 minutes of rehashing things that we have tried to implement and failed over the last decade. If they didn't work then why would they work now? In truth with mental health being on everyone's minds, the political pressure and the tidal wave of young people identifying themselves as mentally ill I felt pretty bleak for the future.
As an added complication I waded my way through a 27 page report that for the most part slated all the efforts I have made to educate people during that decade. Who wouldn't have a heart sinking feeling after that?
However as I waded ever onward the report finally mentioned what I have done over the years and was all positive. That righted the balance a little. Still I'm uneasy though. Feeling targeted by a barrage of negative publicity over support for university students I worry about what the autumn will bring.
Words and headlines can be cheap. I suspect the government will force us to talk to parents but what will that do? It doesn't solve the problem of ultra needy, ultra anxiety provoking, substance using, risk taking, self harm and tragically the suicides that do occur. Every bereaved family asks for more; and rightly so. But I am not a magician. Secondary services are overwhelmed. There are no beds. And still we cling to a recovery "model".
In all honesty the low death rate of people I have worked with has partly been down to that work but chance played a large part in that. And still each day I must go in and face the ever coming inflow of an overwhelming sea. I am not King Canute. And even if I were, he failed just as I do regularly.
So to my safety net, my old friends Mozart and Figaro, the ever progress on Waugh, a chilled glass of Chardonnay and an excellent supper of Vietnamese griddled marinated prawns with a salad of grapefruit, carrot, cucumber and chill dressed with coriander, basil and crushed peanuts and a little lime juice. A triumph!
See you all soon.
I Heard a Voice.
Mark,Canute didn't fail, he demonstrated that even a king can't prevale against nature and neither can you and your organisation with inadequate resources.
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