Sunday morning in March the sun of shining and I'm listening to The Marriage of Figaro. I've had my coffee, put my lenses in and brushed my teeth. Simple tasks that everyone can do but my anxiety tries to beat me on every day. Yes it's that bad most days. Bernie Rosen said to me in 1994 "you have to do the nitty gritty in life". Keep going on the basics however hard if feels and when there seems no point.
After been woken by four dreams in the night two of which were full on nightmares I feel time and on edge. Looming next week is the anniversary of my mum's death. 14 years later I still dream of her and it's rarely good. Last weekend was mothers' day, always a tough one.
Still the murmuring voice of the devil is out there trying to manipulate and deceive and get back into my life. I remain silent. During the week I got to the beach and the sound of waves blotted her out. A short while in time.
Being in Kent much of week allowed me to feel cared for, valued and needed. That was needed after the last two months. I saw so many friends, some by design and some by chance. And my small family. Even ate Italian food on my dad's birthday. Never my thing but it was good.
The world away from me continues to go mad. War has so many impacts. Already the price of petrol has shot up. Energy bills are held for the time being but will rocket in July. Who knows where we'll be when I have to renew my mortgage towards the end of 2027?
Yet these are material things. I'm not being bombed, displaced and being the collateral damage of angry, dangerous, egotistical men fighting with no plan. I do not make political comments often but did highlight last year on here the authoritarianism was back in our world. Almost by definition the makes the world an inherently more dangerous place.
I can do nothing about that though. All I can do is focus on what I can do. And today that is opera, my book and roast pheasant for lunch.
I Heard a Voice.
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