Thunder to Come.

Hello out there! How are we all? There have been huge numbers of hits on my blog the last few months. So many from south America. Not sure I trust the hits are real. But I continue to write. 

After two very anxious days I'm much better today. Where it all comes from I do not know. 

I continue to go out though. Yesterday to St Albans. Sadly owing to what sounds like an awful virus going round two of my plans for this week fell through. 

Staying home has been a challenge. Whilst my time away has been very healing it has also been very boring and very expensive. 

I did venture out for an hour today. To The Farm Shop and the fish shop. There are sardines and king fish from the latter, lamb chops and beef mince from the former. 

The intense heat has dissipated but it remains very humid. Thunder will hit us later this afternoon. That might curtail things a little but I do need to get out when my cleaner is here.

Cricket is coming to the final phase of an exhilarating summer of Tests. Can England win or will India level things up?

At some point in the coming weeks I will go and see my dad. Get down to the sea. I miss it. I've been helping a friend who looking to move to the area. Helpful I hope being in the know. 

See you all soon. 

I Heard a Voice. 

Quiet Contemplation

The first day of the school holidays and the rains have come. Quiet day my end, just quiet contemplation on what was, what is, and what is to come.

In a way I'm bored of being off. Yesterday was pretty much of a write off. A day short of payday my options have been limited. My adventures have been healing but expensive. 

Things liven up from tomorrow onwards. Payday haircut and dinner tomorrow. Saturday Jess, Tuesday Sarah, Wednesday to St Albans to meet a colleague similarly off sick, and Thursday seeing Ruth and her son.

The road ahead is not clear. I need more information and reassurance before occupational health can accept a sustainable return. I will know more tomorrow lunchtime as I'm speaking to my new manager.

Meanwhile I will watch cricket. I will cook and I will work my way through the days.

I Heard a Voice. 

Lost in the Rain.

The rain has been pouring down all morning. Cooler than of late but just as humid. I'm at a loss as to what to do today. 

That empty feeling that sometimes comes over me has struck after a poor sleep and too many dreams. 

This state will pass but does not feel good. Some emotion, any emotion should be better than this. Please let me feel something. 

Motivation is on the floor. So much so that I will not cook today. That's always a bit sign.

Odd really as I had an okay week. A few days in Kent. A trip to Canterbury. And a helpful conversation with occupational health. The upshot is I'm off for a bit longer. Unfortunately with nothing to do that is not good for any of us mentally. Having massively overspent two consecutive months going out isn't much of an option. And still the rain hammers down preventing even a walk.

Must improve tomorrow as a friend is coming for roast chicken for Sunday lunch.  That will I hope be fun. In the meantime I must while away the hours. Maybe some music and a book. Or maybe some TV.

Outside of my small world the world continues to go crazy with war, extreme weather, economic instability and all manner of pestilence. Why is man so destructive?

Tomorrow is another day.

I Heard a Voice. 

Sleep, Heat and Finding My Way

After a two week break on this sunny Sunday morning I'm back to speak. Those two weeks have been mixed. A heat wave, a plummet in mood, time in Cambridge and erratic sleep have all occurred. 

Exactly two months after going off long term sick from work I'm reflective, admiring and worried what is happening in my life. That said mentally I'm not where I was then. I've made progress but perhaps not enough. 

Having spoken to my new manager the week before last the advice was take more time. So tomorrow I will contact the GP surgery and extend my leave by another month. 

My occupational health appointment is this coming Wednesday and I'm hoping between the three of us we can devise a plan to return in mid August. 

Mainly I have switched off from work and the horrible work related dreams have abated. But what will I face when I get back I do not know. 

I must however live in the present. I have my books and my opera. A lively Test Series is very fought out by England and India. My kitchen draws me in too. I have my friends who in the main have been so kind. Others judged themselves by their silence.

There is a gammon joint in the oven roasting with potatoes. Carrots, tenderstem broccoli and runner beans will go with it. A little English mustard. I'm forgoing the wine, fancy driving out to a country for a pint after lunch. 

Stay safe, stay kind and keep looking after yourself and others.

I Heard a Voice.