I've been home for just over a week. I've achieved very little in that time. Tomorrow I must return to work.
Throughout my two week break work has never been far from my thoughts. And those thoughts have been filled with anxiety. God I hate anxiety. It cripples me at times, saps my energy and eats away at my self confidence.
Am I where I was two years ago when I stared into the gates of hell? No but it has been really hard going. And very lonely.
Yesterday two different people asked if I needed to increase my medication. I hadn't thought of that. Given how much it wipes me out when I do I will try to avoid that.
On this Sunday morning as the overnight snow melts the anxiety has dissipated a little. No intrusive anxious dreams waking me as has happened previously. That's a relief.
When I have summoned the motivation and energy to get out of the slump I have been re-reading "A Pillar of Impotence". Alongside me a woman from my past is reading too. Twenty years after completing the manuscript and fourteen years since the publication of the paperback I'm getting an amazing commentary on what I wrote.
All seems a long time ago now.
I Heard a Voice.
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