I'm alone in my flat. I'm silent. Not uttered a word since coming back from shopping and lunch. Having been paid on Tuesday I have bought a few things. Mainly food but I did buy some things for my kitchen. I resisted the lure of a beautiful suit, I would simply never wear it.
The clear indicator is that I'm not in mini mania. The buzzy times I love so much but others don't love
The last two months have been tough mentally. Losing people who matter and are loved has a devastating effect on my fragile self esteem. My confidence suffers, I doubt everything and none of the brilliant accolades people ascribe to me have meaning. Nor indeed are believed.
This week my world was stunned to learn I failed my university assignment. Stunned into silence as one friend said. I don't do much well. Mental health yes, cooking maybe, writing, allegedly and academically I have my moments. Clearly I missed something somewhere. And I'm living with this in my lonely and silent world.
Mozart plays, I've been reading and trying to manage the emptiness of my mood.
On Thursday out there in the real world the General Election takes place. That change is needed is obvious to many. But what change will we get? I don't know who to vote for. But I will vote.
With that I leave you.
I Heard a Voice.
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