What Do You Want?

Had I posted yesterday as I'd hoped you may have seen an angry rant. I was not in a good place and facing something I didn't want to do.

I could and maybe should have cancelled my plans. But I did follow them through and as with all things my anxiety touches it was better than I feared. 

Apparently it's inappropriate to talk about work on here so I can't tell you what happened. But in the stoney silence of the day I got stuck on the thought that people only contact me when they want something. 

Who do I want to be? Normality seems alien. To an extent I face the world alone. No partner, no family of my own. A lot of friends granted but there remains a deafening silence from the one person I want to be with. It's hard when people disappear from the face of the earth for months at a time. 

So on this cold Sunday morning once again I'm alone. I've got yet another cold, I'm tired because I couldn't sleep and my neck hurts.

Life will right itself. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. It just doesn't feel good to be me today.

I Heard a Voice.