A Supreme Effort.

Some say that on the bad days it is hard to get out of bed. I have had many days like that in the last 30 years but not so much recently. Yet today after a night of bad and anxious dreams I hit the wall mentally. Tired, flat, anxious and completely devoid of motivation it took supreme effort to get up, get dressed, make my bed, draw back the curtains and make to coffee. I am proud of achieving that today.

But I didn't stop there. I shopped, made lunch, washed up and went for a walk. Doing pretty good so far on this grey and bleak day.

Despite what my therapist says I learned very little from Bernie Rosen back when I was in hospital in 1994. What I do remember which is of value was him saying I don't care what you do as long as it has a purpose. I think he was right on that one. Today's purpose is just to get through said day. Despite the effort I will prevail.

Thinking about it I was probably due to get a slump. Four months alone only brought one low day. And that high a few weeks ago. Living with a mood disorder can be taxing at times. But I must go with the flow.

Back home from my walk I'm listing to Handel's Coronation Anthems and contemplating what else I can do to survive my day. My intention is to cook later. And it won't be something to simple. I have pork fillet, Padron peppers, pata negra and spices so Serranitos for supper. Not really complicated but tricky on the timings.

Looking forward hopefully two weeks today I will be able enter a restaurant and sit down. At the end of the month my friend Marie will visit from Kent. And then in June I will finally go home and see my dad. Something to look forward to.

For now though, hour by hour, I will work my way through this bleak greyness that has invaded my troubled mind.

I Heard a Voice.