A Pint in the Autumn Sun.

That glorious golden light of autumn pervades this still and quiet October afternoon. On carpets of russet leaves I ventured forth for a little drive. Stopping at The White Horse at Burnham Green I sat alone in the garden, pleasantly warm and contented in my mental stillness. Not often that happens in term time. But I'm not there today. After a long weekend what better than a lonely contemplative pint in my favourite season?

Being away from work even for just a couple of days was what I needed. I plod on each day seeing all I have achieved slip away as with an hour glass. My time feels over. What next I do not know. I need a job but all that comes with it feels scary, empty and isolating. I have my supporters but none are in position to help me. In my own self derision I used to say I'm only as good as the students I can help. If I can't help I'm a waste of space.

The plaudits, the comments, the cards and the history count for little now. There is a new world, one I do not understand and I suspect to the detriment of future generations. All will be seen in time.

What I do hope moving forward is that I get clarity. Support means many things to different people but it is very hard to define. On Wednesday I go back to therapy. Peter will tell me what might help and I will be dragged kicking and screaming away from my way. For my way is no more.

Yet on this quiet afternoon I'm trying not to think about that. The morning will come soon enough. A day at a time and a task at a time.

Away from my small world I suspect it will not be long before I'm locked down again. My friend Ros is already headed that way as she lives in Wales. My area has rising infections but is okay at present. My friend Marie came for the weekend to beat any shutdown. I do like visitors but I also like the solitude of the afternoon after departure. She got home okay.

For me my kitchen beckons. Thai prawns with chilli and basil will adorn my metaphorical table tonight. Not sure about tomorrow.

Enjoy this sunny day before the rains come. For they will come. Until next time.

I Heard a Voice.