They Came in the Night.

I smoked cigarettes for many years. In 2014 after a battle with whooping cough I gave up. People said "do you feel any better?" My answer was no change except the nightmares stopped. It had never crossed my mind that the toxic combination of chemicals in cigarettes was bringing on a nightly horror show. 

Last night they came back. Four horrific nightmares one after another destroyed my ability to function. And so I called in sick.

I feel tired, anxious and empty. Overwhelmed? No not really but I do not feel good. 

Other than to go out to a few bits, some cash and petrol I've done little all day. I don't plan on venturing out this afternoon. 

So what of the coming week? Get back to stability. Get back to work. And get back to being me.

Train strikes aside, yes they are striking again, I should be headed to Kent on Friday. See dad, go to an exhibition and catch up with friends. 

Take care out there.

I Heard a Voice. 

One Day on a Long Journey

On this cold, grey autumnal day I'm listening to The Coronation Mass and reading. It is my wont to listen to music and read.

Today has not quite gone to plan. My lovely friend Krishna has cancelled on our lunch plans as she is unwell. My sleep was interrupted by poor dreams. And there is no sign of the sun.

Nonetheless though it marks a special day. On this day in 2013 I launched my second book Charon's Ferry in Kent. Many see it as a huge accolade that I wrote two books and eventually got published. Some see my books as life changing. To me they are just something I did a long time ago. 

Accolade or not that day also brought something unexpected. I made peace with my mum. Mum was most politely described as complex. Later years unravelled some of that. Still I talk of her in therapy. 

She died four months later. I'm so glad we made a kind of peace before she died.

Back now in present the last few weeks have been very difficult. Having a job, especially a management job, can be like that. But I will take it one day at a time, one task at a time. 

Roast beef awaits at The White Hart, there will be horseradish, roast potatoes, vegetables and wine.

Stay warm out there.

I Heard a Voice.