Lost in the Rain.

The rain has been pouring down all morning. Cooler than of late but just as humid. I'm at a loss as to what to do today. 

That empty feeling that sometimes comes over me has struck after a poor sleep and too many dreams. 

This state will pass but does not feel good. Some emotion, any emotion should be better than this. Please let me feel something. 

Motivation is on the floor. So much so that I will not cook today. That's always a bit sign.

Odd really as I had an okay week. A few days in Kent. A trip to Canterbury. And a helpful conversation with occupational health. The upshot is I'm off for a bit longer. Unfortunately with nothing to do that is not good for any of us mentally. Having massively overspent two consecutive months going out isn't much of an option. And still the rain hammers down preventing even a walk.

Must improve tomorrow as a friend is coming for roast chicken for Sunday lunch.  That will I hope be fun. In the meantime I must while away the hours. Maybe some music and a book. Or maybe some TV.

Outside of my small world the world continues to go crazy with war, extreme weather, economic instability and all manner of pestilence. Why is man so destructive?

Tomorrow is another day.

I Heard a Voice. 

Sleep, Heat and Finding My Way

After a two week break on this sunny Sunday morning I'm back to speak. Those two weeks have been mixed. A heat wave, a plummet in mood, time in Cambridge and erratic sleep have all occurred. 

Exactly two months after going off long term sick from work I'm reflective, admiring and worried what is happening in my life. That said mentally I'm not where I was then. I've made progress but perhaps not enough. 

Having spoken to my new manager the week before last the advice was take more time. So tomorrow I will contact the GP surgery and extend my leave by another month. 

My occupational health appointment is this coming Wednesday and I'm hoping between the three of us we can devise a plan to return in mid August. 

Mainly I have switched off from work and the horrible work related dreams have abated. But what will I face when I get back I do not know. 

I must however live in the present. I have my books and my opera. A lively Test Series is very fought out by England and India. My kitchen draws me in too. I have my friends who in the main have been so kind. Others judged themselves by their silence.

There is a gammon joint in the oven roasting with potatoes. Carrots, tenderstem broccoli and runner beans will go with it. A little English mustard. I'm forgoing the wine, fancy driving out to a country for a pint after lunch. 

Stay safe, stay kind and keep looking after yourself and others.

I Heard a Voice.