One of the great joys of returning to Kent is that I get to walk along the beach. Breathing the air, smelling the sea, hearing the wind. There is something very soothing about that. True I have seen many storms, snow falls and bitter chaos here but I return for peace and today I got it.
Just over two months on from the plummet into darkness I am glimpsing the light more often. The anxiety comes some days, the low pointless despair of depression still comes at me, and the eternal battles for sleep wears on me. But today I feel okay. Okay and not guilty.
I feel I'm moving closer to a return. People down here are pleased to see me and that serves to bolster my sometimes flagging self worth. When depressed we are so unworthy of being loved it seems utter madness that anyone should care. But if anything come has come out of my recent setbacks it is the reminder that so many people in my life do care. What I have to do now is find some self care.
This afternoon I caught up with Beth. So nice to see her. The last time we met was the day of dad's fall and that terrifying night in A&E. I took lunch in a highly recommended French cafe, very good. I did some shopping then had tea with Beka. I'm looking forward to seeing Miriam later.
The warnings of snow tomorrow will I hope come to nothing. On this lovely sunny spring day, with clear skies and a hint of warmth makes snow sound a million miles away. Haven't we had enough? We should be indulging in lighter, warmer and brighter times. The Boat Race is nearly upon us so may have to buy some Pimm's. Actually threw some away when clearing my old flat. Silly really with the season round the corner. But with my mind in dark places and my life in turmoil such decadent delights did not enter my thinking.
Enjoy this glorious day whilst the light holds. Walking by the sea has uplifted me for at least today. May tomorrow be equally uplifting. Stir fried prawns with chilli and basil will grace out table tonight. Dad forgot he doesn't eat meat on Fridays in Lent so the plan of pan fried duck breasts will have to wait a while longer.
I Heard a Voice.
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