Thursday 22 March 2018

Unsettled Nights, Where are the Warm Days?

We were promised a nice warm day today. Absolutely no sign of that here. True the wintry stuff of the weekend does not look imminent but I was hoping for a walk in the sunshine. I'm doing okay though I think. Well at least during the day.

The nights are another matter. My precious sleep remains uneven, wracked with anxiety and some disturbing dreams. I feel life is progressing aside from that. But that always remains a fear that can scuttle the whole ship.

I had been feeling as if a return next week might be possible. Finally managed to meet my manager on Tuesday. It was very helpful but it became clear that until we have a coherent plan on what we need to change that return will be delayed. So back to taking a step at a time and trying not to succumb to the numbing boredom that two months of inactivity and illness brings us. That said we will both think about a plan. I'm pleased it has been recognised that things couldn't go on the way they were. Just a little disappointed I'm not there yet.

The evening brought dinner with Jo. We did have such a lovely evening, ribs, coriander chicken and crispy shredded beef. It was yet another reminder of how lucky I am to have such good friends.

Back in the flat I have The Magic Flute on, I have made a Thai green curry paste and am contemplating whether I can summon up the energy and motivation to do some cleaning. On the balance of probability unlikely I think. The days do sometimes merge into one when there is no structure. It is so easy just to stare at the TV while the hours of my life tick away.

You may have noticed that I completely failed to mention the Ashes over the winter in Australia. England were comprehensively thumped but that wasn't really why I didn't mention it. More that I didn't see any of it as it was on a channel I didn't have at the time. England returned to the Test arena in the early hours of this morning and were battered by New Zealand to the tune of 58 all out. What is going on?

As the days warm it will not be too long until the cricket returns here. I can't go this year as the day Charlie got tickets coincides with my 30th anniversary dinner in Cambridge. 40 years in September since I went to King's. Does that make me old or distinguished? Not sure on that one.

More soon.

I Heard a Voice.

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