Things to Do on a Bank Holiday Monday.

Life is strange. So many of us live for the weekend. We all look forward to the Bank Holiday weekends as there is no work on Monday. Much as I love them I do find them somewhat boring.

So I awoke late this morning with somewhat low mood, tired, and having lived through a particularly bad night, but above all else wondering what to do. Well there is a great mark of UK culture that is rarely replicated anywhere-the country pub.

Thus we set off this afternoon in my friend's car for a drive in the country. We arrived as a small country pub called the "Horns" http://www.thehornsdatchworth.co.uk/ . I did go once before. But what revelation. Inferno beer from the Oakham brewery, a fine atmosphere, and the smell of marvellous food. We did not eat but plan to try it some time.

Felt slightly pissed even though I only had 2 pints-real ale gets me far more than lager. It was then a quiet afternoon of Earl Grey tea and toast. This evening a griddled pork chop marinaded in shallot's, galangal, garlic, coriander, soy, and fish sauce. It featured in the Sunday Times yesterday-truly stunning.

And what is store for the rest of my holiday? Heading for Kent on Wednesday, back on Sunday. Who knows what I will do then. I just hope my mood is somewhat less volatile than it has been today. More soon.

I Heard a Voice.

A Deal is Struck!

As of today I have a signed contract to publish "Charon's Ferry"! Not sure when it will be out but I will of course put it up on here when it is.

Also today my latest guest blog for Time to Change came out. It is heavily edited as they couldn't handle the truth-too controversial. Do read, pass on, comment of FB or indeed sign the Time to Change pledge etc. Link is below:

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/discrimination-by-diagnosis-personality-disorder

Best news though is that I'm on holiday. Had ribs to celebrate and plan to do as much sleeping as possible over the next 2 week.

I Heard a Voice.

The Value of Thrift.

There is a chapter late in Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's book "Meat" on thrift. In that chapter is a most excellent recipe for Shepherd's pie. As some of you may recall I have bemoaned the lack of food culture in England before, are we only known for fried breakfasts, roast dinner, fine pies, and sticky steamed puddings? Actually we have a rich history of food but sadly much of it is forgotten and known only to historians of food. Were I studying history today as I did 25 years ago in Cambridge, I would probably have researched various culinary histories. Oh to have our lives over again!

Anyway, I cooked today for the first time all week. Actually I was cooking in preparation for tomorrow and have made what looks and smells like a fine Shepherd's pie. And I shredded my leftover roast lamb to make it. Therein lies thrift. My mum with her poor humble origins would heartily have approved. Actually she would have cooked it better than me.

As you may have gathered from my lack of cooking it has not been my best week. Monday was a high after submitting my book. Yesterday I went into freefall. I'm sure staring at a screen for 11 hours without a break contributed to the headache that forced a rare venture into paracetamol last night. Worse though I was exhausted, depressed, and feeling a complete failure. All I could think of was what will I do if my book is rejected and I get none of the jobs I have applied for. I could be in the same boat as I am now in a month's time.

Yesterday was boring. Today less so. I had 2 no shows, a cancellation and a bullshitter to deal with today. But I did some reading and spent some time on Linkedin. That was useful. I found an old friend Becky who featured heavily in "A Pillar of Impotence". She was there when I met Rachel and when my life fell apart she was so kind to me. I was not always so kind to her but we do crazy things when we are crazy. I couldn't e mail her but tried to connect with her. Who knows if she will respond-perhaps she wants to forget me.

But I did get a response from another old friend. Lucy was 15 when I met her. She was the daughter of my GP and I never really lost touch. It is just sporadic. She is now 29 and recently had a baby girl Isabelle. How time changes. Anyway, she has just sent her first short story off to an agent. I really hope she has more luck than I did.

I will sign off now as the chill of autumn creeps in at night. Let's hope it is an autumn of change for me. It has been a tough year.

I Heard a Voice.

All Guns Blazing!

Finally a performance by the England cricket team that they can be proud of. It has been a poor series this summer and South Africa thoroughly deserve to be ranked number 1-they played better cricket than us. But what a way to go down fighting today. 45 for 4  and end up just 51 short chasing what would have been an England record in the 4th innings. So ends my summer of cricket-I have no interest in 1 day matches. Now I must prepare myself for the NFL in 3 weeks time.

Closer to home I went to a milestone today. Almost exactly a year after starting to write "Charon's Ferry" today I finally submitted it to the publisher. So keep keeping everything crossed for me on the job and book front.

We are witnessing the final hurrah of summer here in the UK. God it was hot yesterday. Yet in 2 weeks September will be upon us. I turn 43 just before then. Hope you all enjoy the rest of the summer.

I Heard a Voice.

Something Different.

Today has been different to the norm. I had a visitor from a neighbouring university down for the day. She went into the equivalent job to time a year before I started. When I was appointed in 2007, going to visit Jill was one of the first ports of call.

Our jobs can be very lonely. We do difficult stuff sometimes and we mainly work alone. Where I am it is a department of 11 counsellors, an administrator and me. In Jill's place she too is alone. We are part of a network of mental health advisors called UMHAN. We meet 3 times a year which is very helpful but rarely see each other more than that. In most places they have a mental health advisor and a lot of counsellors. What is the difference? Good question. Well I have 3 answers:

1. They get paid a hell of a lot more than me-hence my long running battle.
2. They are virtually in therapy all the time they work-my supervision is not about therapy.
3. I talk back!

A student from Malaysia came to visit me recently at the suggestion of her friend who I see from time to time. I was aware she had seen a counsellor before so I asked her why she didn't go back there. "I wanted some advice" was the answer. I have no idea why but people think I give good advice.

I enjoyed today. Whether we meet again in this context only time will tell. With luck in a couple of months I will have a different job.

The other good news is that my second editor Colin has now finished "Charon's Ferry". I will work my way through his suggestions in the next few days. Then, and it has been a long time coming I will send it to my publisher.

For now I sit contented after making Moroccan chicken kebabs-there are some left for tomorrow-drink a beer and listen to David Bowie on my very temperamental CD player. I guess that will have to be my next purchase.

I Heard a Voice.

A Festival of Pork.

It is very hard to make a true judgement on this last week. Life has been very up and down but appears to be looking up. The one constant over the last 7 days is food. I have been out far more than normal.

Last Sunday I had lunch with my dad, Beka, her mum Anne, and my old friend Heather. There is a very nice pub deep in the Kent country side in the village of Stowting called the Tiger-http://www.tigerinn.co.uk/ . Well worth a visit although I did have the most disgusting meal of my life there a number of years ago-it has changed hands since then. Good beer too. Looking at the menu my thoughts as ever turned to my beloved belly pork. Anne however commented that " I bet it is not as good as yours". Recalling my last visit she was right. I settled for shoulder of lamb and it was very fine. The thought of belly remained though.

Monday was truly awful but in response to my unexpected job windfall on Wednesday I went to the Fu Hao. Ribs and roast pork were the order of the day.

On Thursday I ate with colleagues in Chiquitos-not what I would have chosen but the Texas Chilli Dog was better than expected. And yesterday I had lunch with the excellent Dory on a beautiful sunny afternoon. That took a rare turn when I ordered smoked mackerel. I don't eat fish often but I do like smoked mackerel. Never had it hot though.

And so to the weekend. Having made what looks like an excellent chicken stock I thought of doing the Ants Climbing the Tree but sadly there was no sign of minced pork anywhere. But I did find belly. So it is Thai Belly Pork with Five Spice, coriander and eggs all braised in chicken stock with nam pla, soy, and palm sugar tonight and slow roast belly with rosemary and thyme tomorrow. I have an excellent wine for tomorrow too that Dory gave me. It is always worth celebrating pork-a true festival.

I applied for a new job today and will apply for another when it is advertised on Tuesday. I can feel change in the air-keep everything crossed for me.

Bye for now.

I Heard a Voice.

A Smile From On High.

Today did not go as I expected. Those of you who have delved into all the 150+ posts I have put up since I started this blog almost exactly 2 years ago may recall my disdain for the annual appraisal. Dig back in the archives and you will find it early on. Probably in the same month-I haven't checked-you may also recall a rather cryptic message about God moving in a mysterious way. Still sounds cryptic? Well read on.

It was supposed to be the dreaded appraisal day today but fate intervened. The post from earlier this week was a very sanitised version of how I was feeling. This week has been truly shit and I have felt utterly betrayed. I e mailed a few friends about the appalling outcome of my appeal. When I got back to my office there was a response offering to meet for coffee and a "natter". It was from the same man who made me feel that the divine is most mysterious.

I can't yet go into the details but what we had hoped might happen 2 years ago is finally coming to fruition. It is not a done deal but in about 6 weeks time I may know more about my future.

This intervention divine or otherwise truly lifted my mood and self belief. The bonus was that my appraisal was postponed too. That may or may not happen in a couple of months time, but that depends on the outcome.

I called my dad to tell him the news. He told me God wasn't moving in a mysterious way but rather that he had been praying for me. Perhaps he is right.

I Heard a Voice.

PS And no doubt Dory you will be grilling me on Friday!

PPS I'm off to the Fu Hao to celebrate a good day!

Condemned.

I had very much hoped to put up a nice post tonight. Indeed I did have a nice few days away from Hertfordshire and hoped to brighten up people's lives with that. Sadly though it was not be.

I got to work today to find a terribly formal letter waiting for me. Unusually I opened it quickly and it was the news that I expected. My pay appeal was completely dismissed out of hand. You may recall that I posted of a sense of resignation a couple of weeks ago. Well that is initially cushioning the blow. What was most hard is that the letter made me out to be a liar. It is so nice to get backing from people. But it wasn't to be.

So I will be leaving as soon as I can. Of course that may take a while, I can only take a job I can afford to take. That is if anyone bothers to take me seriously. I have a identified a suitably job. Problem is it is in Leeds-that is a place I have no desire to live in. That said the beer is cheap and no doubt rental prices are probably half what they are here. But I have to get an interview first. My life once again in the hands of others.

There is no good news today so I will leave it there.

I Heard a Voice.