It's another long weekend. Had a friend staying, had fine food and nice beer-the rare beef for lunch was particularly good. Shame about the kebab I just had. I occasionally have an urge for a kebab and today was one of those days. Am usually disappointed and so it was the norm this day.
The nice thing about long weekends is managing to catch up on my sleep. Sleep is critical to maitaining my recovery-if I don't sleep Mr Psychosis comes a knocking.
Sadly it is the last long weekend until the week of my birthday. Another year older. Amazing how fast time goes when one gets older.
I Heard a Voice.
PS Perhasp I should take a week off soon.
Sunday 29 May 2011
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Hurrah!
Hurrah! I've finally managed to get on here from home! Not sure what the problem was but let's hope it is straightforward from now on.
I Heard a Voice.
I Heard a Voice.
Strange Bed Fellows.
Is it wrong to follow Handel with Pink Floyd? The Coronation Anthems to Dark Side of the Mood? I set my sights on that course of action a couple of days ago. I like being slightly odd and some would say eccentric. Thought it might make a funny post but as I drove in this morning and switched from one to the other a strange connection emerged in my mind.
On the face of it the only connection is the iconic nature of the works. Few in the UK will not have heard of Zadok the Priest even if they don't know they know it. Equally sections of Dark Saide of the Moon are well known from the advert circuit. There is a hint of madness in both-Dark Side of the Moon being about madness and Handel having bipolar. But the connection to many may seem curious.
But in my mind it is different. Throughout my illness-at least days before risperidone-Dark Side of the Moon was the album many nutters adopted as an anthem. Few I knew did not recognise some of their own madenss in that great album. But Zadok the Priest held a special place too.
In the summer of 1996 I spent a week singing in Chartres cathedral in France. It was during our final performance on a glorious summer's afternoon that my psychosis button switched on. As the organ played the introduction I heard a voice. A voice that it knew well-it haunted me so much. A voice that shouldn't have been there echoing round the great vault of that ancient cathedral. I wanted to run but there was nowehere to run to. Somehow I made it through the service and several hours later my psychosis subsided. That was the most disturbing experience of my madness
It was also the greastest missed opportunity; how different might my life have been had a response been risperidone? In real Life I had to wait another 5 years to get the help I needed.
21 years into my illness I still sometimes think I made it all up. The words of "A Pillar of Impotence" a figment of my imagination. Afterall that was the response from so many psychiatrists-it was all my delusion. I've not heard voices for so long I've almost forgotten what it is like. But then I remember back to that summer's day in France in 1996. That was very real.
I Heard a Voice.
PS Note to self, Bangbang chicken doesn't travel well. Kebabs went down well though!
On the face of it the only connection is the iconic nature of the works. Few in the UK will not have heard of Zadok the Priest even if they don't know they know it. Equally sections of Dark Saide of the Moon are well known from the advert circuit. There is a hint of madness in both-Dark Side of the Moon being about madness and Handel having bipolar. But the connection to many may seem curious.
But in my mind it is different. Throughout my illness-at least days before risperidone-Dark Side of the Moon was the album many nutters adopted as an anthem. Few I knew did not recognise some of their own madenss in that great album. But Zadok the Priest held a special place too.
In the summer of 1996 I spent a week singing in Chartres cathedral in France. It was during our final performance on a glorious summer's afternoon that my psychosis button switched on. As the organ played the introduction I heard a voice. A voice that it knew well-it haunted me so much. A voice that shouldn't have been there echoing round the great vault of that ancient cathedral. I wanted to run but there was nowehere to run to. Somehow I made it through the service and several hours later my psychosis subsided. That was the most disturbing experience of my madness
It was also the greastest missed opportunity; how different might my life have been had a response been risperidone? In real Life I had to wait another 5 years to get the help I needed.
21 years into my illness I still sometimes think I made it all up. The words of "A Pillar of Impotence" a figment of my imagination. Afterall that was the response from so many psychiatrists-it was all my delusion. I've not heard voices for so long I've almost forgotten what it is like. But then I remember back to that summer's day in France in 1996. That was very real.
I Heard a Voice.
PS Note to self, Bangbang chicken doesn't travel well. Kebabs went down well though!
Monday 23 May 2011
Dining al Fresco
It's the day before our proposed picnic at work. Judging by the wind today I suspect we might have to adjourn indoors.
As expected I couldn't make up my mind what to cook so have gone for 3 different things. Real Chinese Bangbang chicken; don't you just hate it when restaurants pass off peanut sauce rather than the genuine sesame sauce? Moroccan chicken kebabs are currently marinading in my fridge. Then just need to cook them and make my Turkish coleslaw and I will be ready.
I do so miss blogging at the weekend-still having PC problems. But it was a relaxing one which I needed as have been inordinately tired recently.
Very well otherwise. My mood has on the whole been on the plus side of my scale in recent weeks. Work has gone fairly quiet but that could change at any moment. The most interesting thing on the horizon is an upcoming lecture to some shrinks. Never ceases to amaze me just how far I've come.
Well lunch break is over so have to get back to things. More soon.
I Heard a Voice.
As expected I couldn't make up my mind what to cook so have gone for 3 different things. Real Chinese Bangbang chicken; don't you just hate it when restaurants pass off peanut sauce rather than the genuine sesame sauce? Moroccan chicken kebabs are currently marinading in my fridge. Then just need to cook them and make my Turkish coleslaw and I will be ready.
I do so miss blogging at the weekend-still having PC problems. But it was a relaxing one which I needed as have been inordinately tired recently.
Very well otherwise. My mood has on the whole been on the plus side of my scale in recent weeks. Work has gone fairly quiet but that could change at any moment. The most interesting thing on the horizon is an upcoming lecture to some shrinks. Never ceases to amaze me just how far I've come.
Well lunch break is over so have to get back to things. More soon.
I Heard a Voice.
Friday 20 May 2011
An Odd Thing
If any of you have been waiting for my next post, my apologies. For some reason my computer at home is no longer allowing me access to the Blogger site so posts from now on will likely be more sporadic. I will try to blog during my breaks at work but that is entirely dependent on how busy I am. If anyone has any idea how I can rectify the IT problem at home, please let me know. As I've said before I am a complete technophobe!
I Heard a Voice.
I Heard a Voice.
Sunday 15 May 2011
A Day of Nothing
It's turned cold in my small part of the world. Not really that cold but after recent good weather I found myself scurrying for a jumper today.
So what of this weekend? I've actually done very little bar cook. Did a culinary first for me yesterday with a Singapore curry crab. Pretty good but needed more seasoning. Today a melon and mozerella salad with a mint dressing and will be roasting a small joint of lamb later.
Other than that all I have done today is listen to Beethoven and read the paper. But I guess I need to relax sometime.
Work has gone quieter. It's not that there are fewer people suffering mentally it is just that they are all tied up with exams at the moment. Only a couple of weeks until the end of term. My summers are usually quite quiet but I never know what the next phone call will bring.
And tomorrow? I don't want to think about that yet-my diary is staying firmly closed!
I Heard a Voice.
So what of this weekend? I've actually done very little bar cook. Did a culinary first for me yesterday with a Singapore curry crab. Pretty good but needed more seasoning. Today a melon and mozerella salad with a mint dressing and will be roasting a small joint of lamb later.
Other than that all I have done today is listen to Beethoven and read the paper. But I guess I need to relax sometime.
Work has gone quieter. It's not that there are fewer people suffering mentally it is just that they are all tied up with exams at the moment. Only a couple of weeks until the end of term. My summers are usually quite quiet but I never know what the next phone call will bring.
And tomorrow? I don't want to think about that yet-my diary is staying firmly closed!
I Heard a Voice.
Thursday 12 May 2011
An Editorial Apology
My sincerest apologies, the march was actually yesterday! I thought this week was going far too quickly. Apparently 5000 people turned up-most impressive.
I Heard a Voice.
PS I feel like the editor of the News of the World having to make a groveling apology!
I Heard a Voice.
PS I feel like the editor of the News of the World having to make a groveling apology!
Wednesday 11 May 2011
The Marching Season Continues.
There's a very strange programme on the TV in the background as I write this. It's an animation with conversations from actually counselling sessions. So that is what they do! I spend all day with such people and I certainly don't work like that. Maybe I get it wrong but it seems to work for me, and, more importantly the people who come to see me.
Talking of work and counsellors, apparently I have to bring along so culinary delight for a team picnic in a couple of weeks. For years I refused to eat picnic food, I'd done it too many times before. But now, being the foodie that I am my mind is teaming with endless possiblities. I want to bring enough for everyone but perhaps that would be greedy and self indulgent. Can't decide though between Far Eastern, Middle Eastern, North African, or French. Or maybe an old favourite of mine, Spanish. No doubt my mind will vascillate a great deal between now and then and I will probably bring many things.
Well, enough of food. Not sure if I mentioned it on here before but I was visiting a friend in London a few weeks ago and had intended to go to the Boat Race. Sadly, a massive anti cuts march paralysed London that day and I was unable to go. But tomorrow there is another march, one that I'm sure will not get out of hand. It is march by disabled people against cuts in benefits and services. Mind has been heavily promoting it and working hard to protect people's mental health on the day.
I fear it will change nothing but if I was not working tomorrow I would consider joining. Never been on a march before. If you're going, have a good day.
Not sure I can take much more in this counselling. Time log off and turn over.
See you all soon.
I Heard a Voice.
Talking of work and counsellors, apparently I have to bring along so culinary delight for a team picnic in a couple of weeks. For years I refused to eat picnic food, I'd done it too many times before. But now, being the foodie that I am my mind is teaming with endless possiblities. I want to bring enough for everyone but perhaps that would be greedy and self indulgent. Can't decide though between Far Eastern, Middle Eastern, North African, or French. Or maybe an old favourite of mine, Spanish. No doubt my mind will vascillate a great deal between now and then and I will probably bring many things.
Well, enough of food. Not sure if I mentioned it on here before but I was visiting a friend in London a few weeks ago and had intended to go to the Boat Race. Sadly, a massive anti cuts march paralysed London that day and I was unable to go. But tomorrow there is another march, one that I'm sure will not get out of hand. It is march by disabled people against cuts in benefits and services. Mind has been heavily promoting it and working hard to protect people's mental health on the day.
I fear it will change nothing but if I was not working tomorrow I would consider joining. Never been on a march before. If you're going, have a good day.
Not sure I can take much more in this counselling. Time log off and turn over.
See you all soon.
I Heard a Voice.
Sunday 1 May 2011
May Day Holiday.
I'm never really sure what to make of May Day. Seems a big celebration particularly if you can get to Padstow. But to me it is just another holiday. Actually this holiday has lasted rather a long time. 4 bank holidays in 2 weeks-great stuff. But it's back to reality on Tuesday.
So I'm having another lazy Sunday. There is big joint of beef in the oven-plan to cook it really rare! A bottle of rioja sits as yet unopened; another will come when my friend arrives for dinner. Hope not to drink too much though.
It has been nice here today, just a little windy though. Went to country pub this afternoon, nice to sit in the sun. Then back home for tea. Also did plenty of Mozart is is my wont, listened the rest of the Magic Flute in the car and to the clarinet quintet when I got home. Now watching West Ham losing yet again. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?
Happy holidays.
I Heard a Voice.
So I'm having another lazy Sunday. There is big joint of beef in the oven-plan to cook it really rare! A bottle of rioja sits as yet unopened; another will come when my friend arrives for dinner. Hope not to drink too much though.
It has been nice here today, just a little windy though. Went to country pub this afternoon, nice to sit in the sun. Then back home for tea. Also did plenty of Mozart is is my wont, listened the rest of the Magic Flute in the car and to the clarinet quintet when I got home. Now watching West Ham losing yet again. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?
Happy holidays.
I Heard a Voice.
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