After another week of chaos I have decided to dedicate this weekend to cooking and sport. Not sure if I've mentioned my love of sport before on here. Long gone are my days of playing rugby, American Football and rowing but I'm still an avid fan. I love cricket too but not so good at playing it.
So am settling down to some mixed results today; England lost the rugby and it looks like they'll lose the first Test in Brisbane. But not to worry, West Ham won for a change and am off to watch the University play American Football tomorrow if I'm not snowed in. Had some fabulous news in the week when I heard the Cambridge University Pythons American Football team is re-forming. I was president from 1990 to 1991, what a long time ago that was!
Funny how life changes. 16 years ago my prognosis when I left hospital was "likely to commit suicide within 6 months". Now that's hopeful from those who are supposed to help. Well I have news, I'm still here!
Talking of mental health I see the natives are getting restless on the benefits front. Lots of quite unpleasant stuff on the Mind website. Perhaps people have a point but I am the living embodiment of what can be done if you take risks, get the right help-even if it was 11 years too late-and seeing what life brings. I came off benefits partially in 1999 and completely in 2002. It took my another 8 years before I was better off but it was the best thing I ever did. My job may be under threat but I can't do anything about that, what will be will be.
Anyway, to food. Carbonnade of beef is in the oven and smelling delicious. It will be accompanied by mashed potatoes and cabbage with garlic, shallots and parsley. All washed down with a splendid bottle of rioja courtesy of my friend Richard who who will be coming over soon. Now that is way to spend a weekend, good company and good food.
For those purests amongst you, and there are some out there reading this, rioja is probably not the wine to go with it. But my experience of many French reds has been dreadful so am sticking to a good earthy and robust Spanish option instead.
Have a great weekend!
I Heard a Voice.
Saturday 27 November 2010
Monday 22 November 2010
A Hectic November!
Greetings! No I haven't been lost in action over the past couple of weeks just incredibly busy. I see from here that I last posted on 7th November so if you have been reading apologies for not updating.
I am very well. Perhaps too well. This time last year I was certainly too well and paid the price by crashing the other way in January and getting signed off by my Doctor. Hoping to avoid a repeat of that this year.
It is now my fourth year at the university and have had an unusually complex group of people to support. All well and good, and indeed enjoyable. Sometimes though the statutory services I rely on can let me down. My relations across the county for the most part are very good. But there are some services who simply do not want to play ball.
So Thursday, Friday, and today was serious crisis management. Perhaps it would have been less so if those in power had made the hard decisions a few weeks ago! But hey ho, life goes on.
Tomorrow I will be told I lack self esteem. Bollocks! More on that soon. My problem is more that I have too much self esteem. Perhaps that is how I was for years described as a narcissist by the shrinks. They were wrong then and now. It's a label that is hard to get rid of but they now treat me with respect, something that was sadly lacking when I needed their help.
Work continues on my book. It is still being edited. Caused something of a delay but may get a wonderful cover picture for it when it finally comes out. All in the hands of others at the moment.
In the whole I am moving serenely through life despite the chaos around me. That may change in a couple of week though. I'm off to a memorial service on the 4th. Likely to be many ghosts from my past; all good I hope. But there is an outside chance I will see the faceless one; she who's voice haunted me for all those years. Unlikely but maybe there will be the physical embodiment of my psychosis standing in front of me; I will let you all know.
I Heard a Voice.
I am very well. Perhaps too well. This time last year I was certainly too well and paid the price by crashing the other way in January and getting signed off by my Doctor. Hoping to avoid a repeat of that this year.
It is now my fourth year at the university and have had an unusually complex group of people to support. All well and good, and indeed enjoyable. Sometimes though the statutory services I rely on can let me down. My relations across the county for the most part are very good. But there are some services who simply do not want to play ball.
So Thursday, Friday, and today was serious crisis management. Perhaps it would have been less so if those in power had made the hard decisions a few weeks ago! But hey ho, life goes on.
Tomorrow I will be told I lack self esteem. Bollocks! More on that soon. My problem is more that I have too much self esteem. Perhaps that is how I was for years described as a narcissist by the shrinks. They were wrong then and now. It's a label that is hard to get rid of but they now treat me with respect, something that was sadly lacking when I needed their help.
Work continues on my book. It is still being edited. Caused something of a delay but may get a wonderful cover picture for it when it finally comes out. All in the hands of others at the moment.
In the whole I am moving serenely through life despite the chaos around me. That may change in a couple of week though. I'm off to a memorial service on the 4th. Likely to be many ghosts from my past; all good I hope. But there is an outside chance I will see the faceless one; she who's voice haunted me for all those years. Unlikely but maybe there will be the physical embodiment of my psychosis standing in front of me; I will let you all know.
I Heard a Voice.
Sunday 7 November 2010
An Expose?
It's a quiet Sunday afternoon. Had my roast lamb which would have been better had I actually remembered to make the mint sauce and not put too much rioja in the gravy. Now drinking more rioja, listening to Perlman and Ashkenazy's brilliant recording of the Beethoven violin sonatas and contemplating last night.
Quite a good night really. Not as tired as Friday and had some interesting conversations about many things. Also had a conversation with someone I've never met before.
There's something about smoking ban that almost forces smokers to get to know one another outside. That duly happened. Whilst talking to a teacher and exercising my lungs the conversation came round to her two dogs. I hate dogs but whenever they are mentioned I always end up talking about the book.
She sounded quite interested which is good. Then she said something most unexpected: "Is it an expose?". Never been asked that before. I guess in a way it is.
The brutal realism of "A Pillar of Impotence" exposes the failings of care in the community, the limitations of the System and those who work it, and of course what happens when it goes wrong. I do not always come out in a good light either but I wanted to tell the truth. Or at least truth through my own mad and deluded eyes.
When I worked for Statutory Services I always wondered if I would lose my job when it came out. So in a way it is a relief that I no longer work there. But of course there will always be the reaction of the university.
But I'm taking the big gamble for more noble reasons. The truth has to be exposed and so be it if it causes scandal. In reality I probably won't sell enough books to warrant any interest anyway; I'm just not that important!
So I return to Beethoven and my rioja. Have a great Sunday.
I Herad a Voice.
Quite a good night really. Not as tired as Friday and had some interesting conversations about many things. Also had a conversation with someone I've never met before.
There's something about smoking ban that almost forces smokers to get to know one another outside. That duly happened. Whilst talking to a teacher and exercising my lungs the conversation came round to her two dogs. I hate dogs but whenever they are mentioned I always end up talking about the book.
She sounded quite interested which is good. Then she said something most unexpected: "Is it an expose?". Never been asked that before. I guess in a way it is.
The brutal realism of "A Pillar of Impotence" exposes the failings of care in the community, the limitations of the System and those who work it, and of course what happens when it goes wrong. I do not always come out in a good light either but I wanted to tell the truth. Or at least truth through my own mad and deluded eyes.
When I worked for Statutory Services I always wondered if I would lose my job when it came out. So in a way it is a relief that I no longer work there. But of course there will always be the reaction of the university.
But I'm taking the big gamble for more noble reasons. The truth has to be exposed and so be it if it causes scandal. In reality I probably won't sell enough books to warrant any interest anyway; I'm just not that important!
So I return to Beethoven and my rioja. Have a great Sunday.
I Herad a Voice.
Saturday 6 November 2010
God Belly of Pork is Good!
I've decided that today is a food post day! It's been a long and at times stressful week but it is now a quiet Saturday night, I'm drinking beer and feeling quite virtuous.
Having done the things I needed to do including cleaning which I hate, then I settled down to watch the rugby-thought England did well but not quite well enough! Then my thoughts turned to food. Some weeks ago I came across a website that is celebration of food-heaven for me! So I turned to said website and discovered a food survey (please see below).
One of the questions was about which dish is most impressive in one's offerings. Straight away I recalled the wonderful slow roasted belly pork with fennel seeds and garlic from Sam and Sam Clark's Moro book! But that was a coincidence for today as I had belly strips in the fridge. Sadly the usually equally wonderful twice cooked Szechuan belly pork was not quite so good today. But hey ho, sometimes we all fuck up!
When I stared cooking many years ago no one ever thought about belly; far too fatty. Now it seems to be on the menu of so many places. And of course there are so many ways to cook it; braised, roasted, stir fried. If one is clever it very easy to render out the fat which makes so just melt in one's mouth; shear decadence!
Tomorrow my thoughts turn to shoulder of lamb roasted with garlic, rosemary and thyme. And home made mint sauce. Now that is what quiet weekends are all about!
Until next time,
I Heard a Voice.
PS Take the survey!
http://www.theholyquail.com/
Having done the things I needed to do including cleaning which I hate, then I settled down to watch the rugby-thought England did well but not quite well enough! Then my thoughts turned to food. Some weeks ago I came across a website that is celebration of food-heaven for me! So I turned to said website and discovered a food survey (please see below).
One of the questions was about which dish is most impressive in one's offerings. Straight away I recalled the wonderful slow roasted belly pork with fennel seeds and garlic from Sam and Sam Clark's Moro book! But that was a coincidence for today as I had belly strips in the fridge. Sadly the usually equally wonderful twice cooked Szechuan belly pork was not quite so good today. But hey ho, sometimes we all fuck up!
When I stared cooking many years ago no one ever thought about belly; far too fatty. Now it seems to be on the menu of so many places. And of course there are so many ways to cook it; braised, roasted, stir fried. If one is clever it very easy to render out the fat which makes so just melt in one's mouth; shear decadence!
Tomorrow my thoughts turn to shoulder of lamb roasted with garlic, rosemary and thyme. And home made mint sauce. Now that is what quiet weekends are all about!
Until next time,
I Heard a Voice.
PS Take the survey!
http://www.theholyquail.com/
Wednesday 3 November 2010
Do You Get Stressed?
I've actually had a good day. Sat at home on a quiet night-no interest in the Champions League-having consumed some splendid home cooked Thai BBQ ribs. So what to do? Well today as National Stress Awareness Day so I thought I'd do some blogging.
Today was virtually stress free for me! Actually most of my days a relatively stress free. Yesterday though was a different story. I was almost pulling what is left of my hair out by lunch time. Too much going on and too many people wanting me to do too many things all at the same time. The nature of what I do makes it difficult to drop everything and do something different but there are still some who think I can do this. In reality I can only manage one crisis at a time.
But that was yesterday. Stress free I had a look at the MIND website and discovered today is significant on the stress front. They had done some research that suggests that at work people are more likely to lie about sickness leave rather than admit it is stress related. So tell me something I don't know.
There are almost 100 MH advisors working across the Higher Education sector. As far as I'm aware only 2 of us work with staff as well as students; and I'm 1 of them. People fear admitting they are stressed especially in this climate. Yet everywhere I go people talk about their stress levels being up; they just can't take time off for that reason.
I am probably equally guilty. It is exceedingly rare for me to take time off for my mental illness. In fact I've only taken time off 3 times for those reasons since I found the Holy Grail in 2001. The last time was back in January. That was on my Doctor's advice and in the long run saved me from something far worse. I was back after 10 days although I worked part time for a few weeks after that. Much to my surprise everyone was incredibly supportive.
Now I'm fine and living a fairly stress free life; yesterday was the exception rather than the rule. That said I do sometimes get tired and I admit I do count down the days until the weekend-only 2 days to go!
I Heard a Voice.
Today was virtually stress free for me! Actually most of my days a relatively stress free. Yesterday though was a different story. I was almost pulling what is left of my hair out by lunch time. Too much going on and too many people wanting me to do too many things all at the same time. The nature of what I do makes it difficult to drop everything and do something different but there are still some who think I can do this. In reality I can only manage one crisis at a time.
But that was yesterday. Stress free I had a look at the MIND website and discovered today is significant on the stress front. They had done some research that suggests that at work people are more likely to lie about sickness leave rather than admit it is stress related. So tell me something I don't know.
There are almost 100 MH advisors working across the Higher Education sector. As far as I'm aware only 2 of us work with staff as well as students; and I'm 1 of them. People fear admitting they are stressed especially in this climate. Yet everywhere I go people talk about their stress levels being up; they just can't take time off for that reason.
I am probably equally guilty. It is exceedingly rare for me to take time off for my mental illness. In fact I've only taken time off 3 times for those reasons since I found the Holy Grail in 2001. The last time was back in January. That was on my Doctor's advice and in the long run saved me from something far worse. I was back after 10 days although I worked part time for a few weeks after that. Much to my surprise everyone was incredibly supportive.
Now I'm fine and living a fairly stress free life; yesterday was the exception rather than the rule. That said I do sometimes get tired and I admit I do count down the days until the weekend-only 2 days to go!
I Heard a Voice.
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